


The Black Rose

by Ry1997



Series: Undaunted [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Mild Language, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Other, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), POV Original Character, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ry1997/pseuds/Ry1997
Summary: Rhee Caron joins the Scouts in order to prove a point, that she isn't supposed to rot in a cell like her parents. Even after the deaths of so many around her, she knows she must survive. Answers are her end goal, but a certain captain may stand in the way of just that.This is my first fic, please be nice !! I'm a first-time writing who's doing this for fun :)
Relationships: Eld Jinn/Original Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi/Petra Ral
Series: Undaunted [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707799
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy the chapter! I'm working on trying to expand on my writing so I apologize for how short they are right now. I also apologize if any of the characters seem OOC at first, im still exploring writing styles. Heads up: Italicized words/conversations are memories and bold italics are Rhee's own thoughts. All POV's will be Rhee's unless told otherwise!

The earliest memory I have is watching my father being carted off to prison. My mother, fearing her own arrest, never spoke of my father’s crimes. Deep down, I knew he didn’t actually have any. Maybe it was because we looked different; the raven colored hair and piercing blue eyes didn’t stare back at me except when I looked in a mirror. Nobody spoke the language I did at home, and mother always said to keep it to myself, never to use it anywhere else.

The world was unforgiving like that. It had always judged upon your outward appearance and never your character. If you were to die by trial, never once would your actions be considered. That’s what happened to my father at least. 

The second earliest memory of mine was my father’s death. He was given a public trial, but the laws of man were unkind to him. Nothing was fair, everyone was flippant. He was sentenced to life in prison for his crimes against humanity, and he died two weeks later, no doubt deemed a ‘mercy’ by the guards. Mother did not speak of him after that. He was like a ghost, not even remembered enough to be considered a memory. His portrait sat on the mantle, yet I never recognized him as my Father. 

The Calaneth District and its people stayed bitter, never giving me or Mother a fair chance at work. We shoveled dirt side by side to put food on the table, never enough to feed us both. I suppose that’s how I ended up here, the sun blazing down on me and the hundred or so other recruits. 

The commanding officer was shouting at every kid making eye contact, not that he discriminated against those who weren’t. The smart kids were staring straight ahead, not moving a muscle and waiting for the storm that was Oliver Hood to pass. 

> “Row Five, face front!”

The moment I turned on my heel, Hood was there staring me down, his eyes peering for a fear that wasn’t present within me.

> “And what the hell did your mother name you pipsqueak?”
> 
> “Sir! Rhee Caron from Calaneth District, Sir!”
> 
> “Rhee? Is that a nickname or something? Why the hell would your parents name you that?”
> 
> “It was my grandfather’s last name Sir!”
> 
> “How interesting, too bad I don’t care.”

Even as Hood walked away, I could see the gears turning in his head. A name like mine was considered extinct amongst the people here, for reasons I did not know. The Rhees' were a powerful clan of an unknown descent, but it sure as hell wasn’t the reason my parents named me after them. Rhee did stand for something, Rheana, the name of a relative I never met. Nobody ever called me Rheana, it was too foreign to even be mine, so I left it behind, just like I did the memories of my father.

* * *

As I sat in the mess hall with the other recruits, I pondered the reason I was even here. Unlike half of the kids sitting around me, I wasn’t scared of Keith Shadis or anything I may face in the years to come. I was here to give my mother food on her table, whatever the cost to myself. That didn’t help me decide what regiment I was going to join, and no answer would come no matter who asked me the question.

The thump on my left indicated a new person was here to try and crack my shell, by now everybody should have learned after the first three guys I wasn’t interested in boring conversation.

> “You gave that guy Eld quite the fright, glaring at him like that.”
> 
> “I suppose he didn’t understand the term ‘not interested’.”

The girl laughed at my statement, almost choking on the piece of bread she’d shoved into her mouth a second before. I finally turned to look at her, taking in the short orange hair and the honey-colored eyes. She smiled at me, extending her hand.

> “I’m Petra Ral, what’s your name?”
> 
> “Rhee. Rhee Caron.”

Though I don’t know what overcame me, I extended my own hand and shook hers, enjoying the first act of kindness I’d ever received from a fellow human. After that night, Petra sat beside me every dinner, talking when I was in the mood and staying quiet when she knew it was hopeless. Sometimes even that loud-mouth Eld joined her, constantly pushing my buttons to the point of harrowing death threats that only made the pair laugh at me. We weren’t much, but we were a team, and by god I wasn’t going to let my team down. 

* * *

Out of all the different training we went through, winter training had to be the worst. All the instructors would give us big coats and pat our heads before sending us off on a long hike through a blizzard. I lost count of the recruits that we’d lose to the snowstorms, their names and faces all escaping my memory. They only ever found one dead though, poor girl always did seem to lag behind.

Me and Petra had stuck close when the wind had picked up, Eld had run ahead with a few others to see if they could spot the camp. That had been hours ago, and we knew that they weren’t coming back to get us in this storm. With the wind howling in our ears and the snow thick enough to freeze our eyes, we were stumbling around blind. No signs of anybody behind us, and footprints were covered almost instantly. In short terms, we were screwed. 

The ice in my veins was slowing me down but my heart told me if I didn’t keep going, I would never escape this nightmare. Petra kept coughing, the fire of her lantern fighting to stay lit. Nature seemed to be an unforgiving bastard at times. 

> “Rhee…” Petra coughed out, “We have to stop, I’m so tired…”
> 
> “If we stop now we’ll never get back to base camp, and I’ll go through any form of hell before I let Hood dig my body from the snow.”
> 
> “I can’t keep going, my lungs feel frozen and I can’t see.”

I could only sigh in return, my own body rejecting every step I took to charge through the snow. Shivers wracked my frame due to the wetness of the snow, so much for my thick coat. The light in the lantern finally went out, leaving us blind in the storm. It would be idotic to stop and try to relight it, the wind would make sure we wouldn’t. 

Petra’s body hit the snow with a crunch, her energy finally giving out. I stopped and turned, begging her to get up. I couldn’t just leave her here to freeze, even I knew that a woman as strong as her couldn’t survive long in these conditions. It was this exact moment where I’d wished I’d insisted on Eld staying behind. He would have known how to help, he could have gotten us out. 

With the last of my energy running out, I collapsed next to Petra. Every fiber of my being begged me to stand up, to keep going, but I couldn’t. My energy was spent, my body screaming for the relief of sleep. Petra was out like a light, her body only moving with each intake of breath. I copied her breathing, trying to calm my raging mind, but burnout had gotten there first. With my last bit of strength I cried out for help, my voice not even breaking the screams of the storm.

* * *

When I awoke, I thought I had died. There was a bright light obscuring my vision and only muted sounds surrounding me. I sat up slowly, unsure if the dull ache in my head would continue. Looking around, I was in a cave. There was a blazing fire in between me and the bodies of two others. Upon closer inspection, the first body was Petra, her eyes shut tight. The other was a man, one I had seen a few times before in training exercises. He was looking at me, as if studying my face. 

> “What happened?” I asked suddenly, surprised by the shakiness of my own voice.
> 
> “I found you and Ral half-buried in the snow about a mile out from the cave. Dragged you both here and started a fire to keep you warm, we’ve been here maybe two hours. The storm hasn’t let up.”

I nodded, looking out the mouth of the cave to see the storm still raging on. Shuffling drew my attention back to the man, who had now positioned himself at my side, staring intently at me. 

> “You know Rhee, you should be resting. For all I know, you could be recovering from some serious hypothermia.”
> 
> “I’ll be fine, as long as Petra is recovering, that is what matters.”
> 
> “How very noble of you.”

We sat in silence for a brief moment before I turned to him fully. I examined him as he examined me. He had dark brown hair that curled slightly with the dampness, his eyes were a deep forest green, and if you looked close enough, they had little flecks of gold inside them. His cheeks were a rosy shade from the cold, and his skin was the color of cocoa, the colors contrasting nicely. His jawline was sharp, as were his cheekbones and nose. 

> “I hate to ask this, but what’s your name again?”
> 
> He laughed at me before answering, “Zachary, Zachary Arias. But you can call me Zach.”

* * *

Eld, accompanied by a patrol unit, found me, Zach and Petra the next morning. After an hour of talking, Zach and I both fell asleep, and even after we returned to base, we never really spoke. Months passed and winter melted into spring, graduation approaching quicker than I thought. Zach and I never mentioned the night in the cave, it faded into the back of our minds, but at the randomest of times I’d find him staring at me, green eyes always finding my own blue ones.

I eventually made more friends, breaking from my shell with the help of Petra and Eld. One of my close friends was a girl named Elisa Wagner, a petite blonde with the fire of a dragon. She was versatile, good at everything that was thrown at her. She and Zach competed for the top spot, and if you ever needed to find one of them, count on finding the pair arguing about something. 

The night of graduation came on the cusp of spring and summer, the night filled with lots of drinking, laughing, and big decisions. Petra was smiling giddily as we took to the front of the crowd, one of the many instructors calling out the names of the top ten for the class. Zachary was first, with Elisa close behind him. Then there was Eld in third, followed by a girl named Maeve Tuck in fourth. I took fifth place, Petra following behind me in sixth, and then Halle Birke in seventh. Jon Harrington took eighth, Winston McGuffin in ninth, and Forney Witaker in tenth. 

Out of the ten given the privilege of living as an MP, only five took the offer. Petra and Eld were shipping off for the Scouts in the morning while Maeve and Winston were off for Wall Maria to join the Garrison the following day. I was the only one who was undecided, as there were just too many options. I knew I should’ve gone to the Military Police like Elisa had begged me to do. It would have put the most amount of money in my pocket to give to Mother, and I would be protecting some of the most important people to society. The very same people who put my father in jail, who wrote his death warrant.

In the end, pure spite kept me from the Military Police, and the teary embrace I shared with Elisa would stay with me for life. I signed with the Scout Regiment an hour or so after Petra and Eld did, though I opted out of telling them. It would be too good of a surprise to pass up, especially since they thought I was leaving with the others for Wall Sina. 

* * *

A soft knock echoed in the tiny room I’d been given as a trainee, an even softer ‘come in’ fell from my lips. The door opened and I didn’t even turn my head to greet who it was. 

> “So, what made you join with the Scouts?”
> 
> “I thought we weren’t on a speaking basis Zachary?”

I could almost feel his eyes boring into my backside, scanning my body and studying my actions. I tensed slightly and turned when I got no answer, ready to order him out so I could get some sleep. 

We stood face to face, my mind not even registering the distance he’d covered in the split second it had taken me to turn my body. His breath fanned the expanse of my cheeks, his eyes focused on my own. 

> “Rhee… Come with me, join the MP’s…”

> “And why would I do that? You can hardly sway my decision, we’ve spoken maybe three times?”
> 
> “That was because I didn’t wish to intimidate you.”
> 
> “Intimidate me? Sounds like an odd excuse.”

He didn’t falter at my glare, and the longer we stood chest to chest, the more weary I felt in his presence. I sensed something unsettling, almost carnal, lurking behind the green of his eyes. I looked away from him, focusing back into the packing ritual I had started.

> “Zach, I’m joining the Scouts because that’s what I want to do. Nobody can talk me out of it- Not you, not Halle, not Elisa- nobody. Now if you don’t mind, I have a lot of-”

The door had slammed shut behind me, and I’d turned to scoff at the childish antic before I noticed the second man in my room. He was a great deal taller than Zach, actually he was probably twice my own height. He had blonde hair, with a smooth undercut, distinctive eyebrows, and no facial hair. His eyes were a piercing blue that matched the scowl etched into his face. He bore the crest of the Scouts, and Zachary and I immediately saluted. 

> “Captain Smith.”
> 
> “At ease.”

Erwin Smith; This man I’d only ever heard of in the passing whispers of the higher-ups, or any of the girls that lived in the bunks six months ago. He was a legend, rumored to be one of the strongest scouts who climbed the ranks fast, though nobody could really verify his titan kill count, or anything about him. The only solid piece of information I knew, was that Erwin’s horse was grey, and that it came from the stable boy. I couldn’t even think of a reason he’d be in my room at such a late hour, but by the looks of it, he wasn’t too happy to be here. 

> “What’s your name soldier?”
> 
> “Zachary Arias, sir!” Zach sputtered, his resolve shaken by the short captain.
> 
> “Arias, leave us.”

> “But sir, I-”
> 
> “I’m pretty sure the lady was telling you the same before I entered- Now get out before I remove you myself.”

Without another word Zach scuttled out of the room, like a dog running with its tail between its legs. For the top of the class, Zachary Arias sure seemed to be a bit of a coward. Before the door shut, he gave me a passing glance, assuring this wouldn’t be last I’d see of him.

Turning my attention back to Erwin, I was surprised to see his eyes zeroed in on my own, his stare hardening.

> “Sir, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

* * *

That's it for the first chapter, I hope y'all enjoyed it! :) I wanted to throw out the reminder for everybody here; I am making a HUGE gamble with the timeline because Isayama hasn't clearly designed the timing of anything before 850 & the fall of Shiganshina. It's very likely Eld & Petra didn't graduate together and they were in a much earlier cadet corps than what I'm saying is the 98th here. I'm also gambling on the ages of characters and the years that things happen. Where we are right now is approximately 845, five years before the first episode of season one! I hope that clarifies some stuff but feel free to comment/question anything in the timeline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooohhhh see what I did there? Erwin does have a rank, even though this scene had previously consisted of Levi and Rhee, I had to change it. Also Oliver Hood is the older man talking to a Garrison member while Shadis is questioning the 104th- Granted I don't actually know his name so I made one up, if someone does know his name, please tell me!  
> [see important update if you're confused as to why it changed]. See y'all in the next chapter :D


	2. Officiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhee goes on a visit home to only be greeted with more unanswered questions; She prepares for her first expedition with the Scout Regiment.

“First day on the job and they put me on leave… Unbelievable.”

I groaned, shifting uncomfortably in my saddle. I’d been riding for hours now from Trost to Calaneth, having to take the scenic route. According to Captain Smith, the Scouts were suspending activity for a few days before the upcoming expedition outside Wall Maria, so recruits weren’t even allowed to move in for the next three days. Even though I’d already been in Trost and ready to move in, but no, I’d been sent home. 

Hood had been the one to send me off, surprising me with a warmer exterior that I’d ever seen in my life, even though he still referred to me as a brat. His parting gift to me had come in the form of a lovely dark bay mare who’d I’d affectionately chosen to name Delta. Delta, I’d now found out, was quite the character, and was one of the laziest beasts I’d ever met. We hadn’t even gotten half an hour into our journey home before she was slowing her canter to a walk and swishing her tail angrily when I urged her forward. She’d gotten quite nippy too when I’d resorted to whipping out my crop. Other than that, Delta and I had bonded a great deal. She was the best listener I’d come across in a while, second only to Petra who knew it was truly a rare occasion when I spoke more than a sentence at a time. 

> “Delta, you should have seen Zach's face when I saw him this morning, priceless!”
> 
> _“Rhee! Please wait! Don't go! Don't join the Scouts, there's still time!”_
> 
> _“I already told you, I'm not joining the MP's! Now back off, I've got quite a journey ahead of me Zachary.”_
> 
> _“If you join the Scouts you're only going to end up dead! Your skills would be so useful in the interior-”_
> 
> _I cut him off saying, “My skills would be wasted cowering behind Wall Sina and enforcing the unjust laws that govern these people! I'd be better served fighting and dying for humanity if that's what it takes!”_
> 
> “Honestly Delta, the nerve! Top of our class, my ass! I hope I never have to speak to that coward again.”

As if she’d actually be listening, Delta whinnied at my remark as we trudged through the fields outside Wall Rose. The sun was high in the sky when Calaneth District came into view. People waved as I rode by, the light glaring off the crossed swords on the back of my jacket. Captain Erwin assured me I’d be getting all of my regiment clothing when I was given a room at HQ, officiating my membership in the Scouts. I sighed at the memory, his swift enter and exit feeling like it didn't even happen.

> _“Yes Cadet, all of your belongings will be taken to HQ and loaded into a shared bedroom, just take what you need to be home for a few days. Your jacket and cape will come in before we leave.”_
> 
> _“When exactly do we leave Sir?”_
> 
> _“A week, start preparing, you’ll need the comfort.”_

I scowled at the thought as me and Delta moved through the narrow streets, dodging pedestrians left and right until turning onto a very familiar cobblestone road. The modern two-story home hadn’t changed in a year, the shutters still a faded cream and the clay roof still a ruddy color. 

I tied Delta’s reins to a fence post and made my way to the door, adjusting my jacket collar and hair before knocking softly on the wood. The woman who’d opened the door didn’t remotely resemble the mother I’d left last year to join the military. She looked older, more raw, her blonde hair graying and the scowl on her face deepened by shallow wrinkles beginning to form. Her eyes were sunken in, looking more bleak by the dark bags that sat under them. This woman couldn’t be my mother, she looked older, frailer, more withered by time that did not pass.

> “Rhee Caron? Is that you?”
> 
> “Yes… you aren’t Mother, are you?”
> 
> “Afraid not deary… Won’t you come inside?”

* * *

The interior of the home hadn’t changed a bit either. The fireplace still smelled of ash and had charcoal stains galore, the mantle still held my father’s picture followed by a few other scattered faces, people whose names I didn’t know. The portrait that hung in the wall was still the same, _Rheana Kwon, 778,_ a grandmother I’d never known. 

The woman stopped in the kitchen to pour two glasses of tea before gesturing to the table. I made my way over and sat down, accepting the tea that was offered and waiting for the old woman to begin.

> “Your mother is gone dear.”
> 
> “Dead?” My heart dropped, surely I would have gotten a letter if she’d passed…
> 
> “Naye. Not dead, gone. She must have up and left in the middle of the night a month or so ago. Not a trace of dear old Lilli Caron anywhere in Calaneth. Though… I suspect- nevermind that dear, just the babblin’ of an old woman.”
> 
> “You think she was arrested, like my father?”
> 
> The woman sat in thought for a moment, sipping on her tea and trying to form a response. She seemed to ponder a few in her mind before sighing loudly and nodding her head solemnly. 
> 
> “Aye. Lilli and Anslow, those two always seemed to find trouble even when they weren’t lookin’. If she was taken, I don’t think we’ll be hearin’ from her anytime soon…”

It was my turn for silently sipping on the bland tea, thinking to myself about what could have happened. I never thought they’d come for Mother, she’d always been so kind and so good, never put a toe out of line. The old woman sighed again, pushing her tea away and studying my face.

> “Rhee, your momma loved you a lot. Never forget that, okay deary?”
> 
> “Who are you? Why are you in our house?”
> 
> The woman sighed, appalled that I’d ignored her comment. She chewed on her gums before looking me straight in the eye and answering. 
> 
> “My name is Susanna Caron, I’m your aunt.”
> 
> “Aunt Susanna? But I thought-”

“No, I didn’t die in that carriage wreck or whatever your momma told you. My husband did though, and left me none of his good money, just our flimsy daughter Hollie. The money all went to that whore in the underground. Don’t matter now, Rick’s been dead for several years now…”

> “If you didn’t die, then where’d you go?”
> 
> “On a little trip, none the matter, I’m back now and your momma entrusted all of her belongings to you on your 18th birthday, until then I’ve been asked to keep it all safe.”
> 
> “You can keep it all Aunt Susanna, I don’t want any of it.”
> 
> “Rhee-”
> 
> “I’m serious, I don’t have a use for it in the military. I don’t have anything here I’m attached to, all these paintings of people mean nothing because I never knew them.”
> 
> “I’ll just keep it safe for you and stay here, just in case.”

* * *

The three days I spent in the company of Aunt Susanna were tense. After our tea time conversation we didn’t have much to say to each other, enacting silence for next few days. I had my suspicions on information being withheld about Mother, but I did not pry further. The last things I wanted burdening my mind were the conspiracies surrounding my family. Hollie dropped into visit once, but she and Aunt Susanna spoke in hushed tones, and Hollie left before I had the chance to speak a word to her. 

The ride back to Trost seemed to pass quicker than the ride days before. Delta seemed to be in a chipper mood, taking unexpected leaps over small objects. I had a grass stain on my pants after losing my balance because of Delta’s insistence to jump over a stick and not tell me. 

Taking in the scenery helped to calm my nerves about my recruitment choice. I’d have four days of straight training before me and Delta were at the gates of Shiganshina for our first expedition. My normally ironclad stomach was full of butterflies that tempted me to hurl every time I let my mind wander. Training had been easy, cut the cloth at the nape of the dummy, but we were talking about the real threat.

While I definitely wasn’t utterly terrified of the Titans like other citizens, they were unsettling. How could a creature condemn itself to be nothing more than a killing machine? The lectures from boot camp seemed to fill my mind consistently. Everything I knew about the Titans corresponded with all the knowledge humanity knew; They were extremely dangerous, ate humans seemingly for sport, didn’t communicate, and didn’t come out at night. They were classified by their height in meters, and some showed signs of cognitive processing, these were deemed abnormal. 

Every lesson and bit of information I parroted back to myself built up the dread I had to the point where I stopped Delta just to throw up into the grass beside her. My life seemed to be ending before it really had begun.

* * *

All my thoughts of doubt disappeared momentarily when I arrived at the Scout HQ in Trost District. Delta was taken away by a stablehand and I was escorted to my quarters by a chipper lieutenant named Moblit Berner. He made pleasant conversation while trying to give me a tour of the fortified castle. After excusing himself to go investigate a crash down a hallway, I was left to find and unpack my room on my own. 

With the help of some scouts I met along the way, I was able to locate the living quarters on the third floor, and managed to find the door that went to the key Moblit had given me. Upon unlocking the door I was surprised to find Petra asleep on one of the beds in the room. Careful not to wake her, I quietly unpacked the bags I’d been carrying as well as the boxes that had been shoved to my designated side of the room. 

Upon further inspection of the wardrobe, I found my jackets, uniform, and cape all neatly folded on a shelf with a note from Captain Erwin reading,

_**All your other belongings, are in boxes. I hope these are the right size.** _

Apparently my scoff was loud enough to wake Petra, who bolted up immediately to give me the tightest hug I’d ever received. She almost began crying tears of joy, asking question after question about how I ended up in the Scouts.

> “PETRA! I promise I’ll answer your questions if you say them one at a time.”
> 
> “Why the Scouts? Me and Eld were positive Elisa would drag you to the Military Police! Not that we wanted you to go, that Zachary guy always felt off…”
> 
> “That’s precisely why I’m here, Zach was too much of a nuisance. And I knew I couldn’t leave you behind...”
> 
> “Whatever the reasons be, I’m glad you’re here Rhee! Eld is going to be excited to talk your ear off again!”

Her smile seemed to illuminate the room better than any lantern or candle, and for just a moment, I forgot where we were and was just happy to have my friends. How I wish that moment had lasted forever.

* * *

End of Chapter! Leave some kudos or a comment!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did just post back to back! I pre-wrote the first three chapters to have some actual work out for people to give feedback on. I promise everything character, conversation and easter-egg I write into this world has a purpose ;) UPDATE: WOOHOO! Another chapter edited to fit the new timeline- I figured I should give more purpose to Zach's character than just cutting the flashback entirely, though I really feel like Erwin is totally OOC now that I've replaced Levi with him. Oh well~


	3. The 34th Expedition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhee and the rest of the Scouts exit Wall Maria on the 34th Expedition, not knowing the looming danger outside waiting for them.

The last few days had honestly been a blur. Me and Petra had surprised Eld that night at dinner, and the look of shock on his face will be a cherished memory forever. I found Moblit once more while piling some rolls on my tray. He smiled warmly while introducing the fanatic brunette with glasses at his side.

Section Commander Hange was unlike any person I’d met before. She was eccentric and free-spirited, had faith in only science. After a few hours of listening to her antics and answering every odd question thrown at me, much to the chagrin of a sheepish Moblit, Hange decided I’d be placed in her squad. Not that I was complaining, but I was going to miss my friends. 

Training with the others was a whole new experience. Our instructor was a kind woman named Nanaba who smiled at us even if we had done poorly. She oversaw all the physical activity and workouts we’d be doing, encouraging us to get out of bed for a run at the crack of dawn everyday. Another man whose head was covered in cloth went through our horseback lessons. 

The one dark moment of my day came with the forest training, overseen by the tall, stoic blonde man. It’s not that Captain Erwin was a bad teacher, he was incredibly skilled, but he lacked the sympathy shown by Nanaba or Hange. He just shouted incessant reminders and jeers at every recruit constantly, urging them to do better than their best, which wasn't a bad thing. Petra seemed to be doing just fine though, her skills apparently acceptable enough for Erwin to not shout at her like the rest of us.

> “He actually told me I might survive! Isn’t that exciting Rhee?”
> 
> “Yeah that’s great Petra, at least you’re not going to be titan shit like the rest of us.”
> 
> “Hey, c’mon now! I’m sure he’s just saying that to scare you.”
> 
> “I think anything he says could scare anybody, just look at the way the man rests his face, that’s enough to send any MP hightailing to the interior.”

With that Petra sighed and dropped the subject, instead turning to greet Eld and Gunther who had decided to sit down across from us. I just turned my full attention to the food that was getting cold on my plate. 

> “Are all of you ready for tomorrow?” Eld spoke up.
> 
> “Not exactly, my stomach hasn’t settled all day…” Petra answered honestly, her eyes downcast on her tea as she spoke.
> 
> Gunther looked up at me before saying “I guess it doesn’t matter if we’re ready, it’s about if we can survive.”

I nodded in agreement, the mood at our table significantly more somber than when it started. That’s when a certain loud brunette sauntered over, an exasperated Moblit in tow. 

> “Cheer up kids! Tomorrow we’re just traveling to Shiganshina, not outside the walls. It’s not like we’d have enough time to do anything even if we went tomorrow!”
> 
> “With all due respect Section Commander, it’s still a bit unsettling…” I voiced out.

Hange nodded but said nothing else, deciding to drag Moblit to the table where Captain Smith and Commander Shadis sat. All though Erwin didn’t seem to mind the interruption, Shadis looked like he was going to kill Hange. I giggled to myself at their antics before announcing my departure for bed to my own group. Eld and Gunther bade me goodnight with Petra promising she’d be up soon.

The torchlight did wonders to illuminate the hallways, but the real light came from the bright moon shining through the open windows of HQ. The night air brought in a small breeze into the castle hallways, lifting the small hairs on my neck and arms. I eventually reached the door to Petra and I’s room, digging the small key from my breast pocket and unlocking the door with a soft _click._

I changed quickly, stripping off the tight pants and boots and replacing them with soft cotton trousers and a loose fitting blouse. I sat at the shared vanity in the corner of the room, brushing through the thick locks of black hair and braiding it to the side, finishing by tying the hair off with a small ribbon. 

The cold stones chilled my bare feet as I pattered over to the window softly, admiring the view of the moon reflecting on the city. Everything was quiet besides the distant sounds of the night time. Turning away from the window, I noticed Petra had slipped in quietly. She smiled unevenly before turning to get undressed. My gaze returned to out the window until Petra spoke softly.

> “I can’t believe this is really happening. I never thought I’d end up here, about to go face my biggest fear…” Her voice wavered at the end, the words lost to the deafening silence.
> 
> “It’s not exactly where I pictured myself either, then again, I don’t think anybody chooses this lifestyle willingly.”
> 
> “You didn’t choose to enlist?”
> 
> “No I did.” I turned to smile at her. “I choose to live a life that could provide, but ideally, I suppose my younger self wished for something else. Perhaps tailoring, something more ladylike…” 
> 
> “I know that feeling, the idea that you’ve chosen something unconventional for who you are.” Petra spoke softly, not daring to disturb the peace that the night had brought.

I got into my bed, Petra mimicking my actions. I reached for the candle that was lit on my bedside table, the small light flickering with the breeze. Petra had already blown out her candle, and was studying me intently.

> “I live by that feeling.” I whispered before blowing out the small light and laying down to sleep. 

* * *

Forty-eight hours later, I was sitting on Delta’s back staring at the outermost gate of Wall Maria. Shiganshina had been an interesting overnight trip, with Hange and Moblit’s chatter the only sounds from the Scouts. And besides nearly being run over by two small children, followed by a slower blonde one carrying a book, the stay was alright. 

Petra and Eld were on the opposite side of me; they were both assigned to the left-wing spotters, and I was on the backmost supply train. They had been put in the First Squad with the rest of the rookies, me being the only outlier after Hange insisted I be in her own squad. Moblit gave me a reassuring smile before continuing ahead to the frontmost wagon, directly behind the Command Squad with Hange and Erwin. 

As the gate was being raised I felt my anxiety spike, the bulge in my throat refusing to be swallowed. My heart was hammering in my chest and my brow had already broken a sweat. I scanned the crowds for familiar faces, knowing I wouldn’t find any until…

> **_Mother?_ **

The woman was staring at me, her eyes alive and full of worry. The blonde hair I knew was expertly tucked into the cloth she had covering her head, only small ringlets escaping the ties. She was mouthing something to me, something I couldn’t discern with my senses running wild. She was alive; Mother was alive, and she was in Shiganshina. What on earth was she doing this far from home? 

Just as I was reading her lips another woman, taller, with darker hair swept into a messy side ponytail grabbed her forearm and quickly dragged her into the crowd. I tried to follow them with my eyes but I lost them to the crowd within seconds. I barely had time to process what I’d just seen before Shadis was calling our attention to the front. 

> “Let the 34th Expedition outside the walls begin!”

A battle cry came from the lips of scattered Scouts as the portculass clicked into place at the top of the gate, leaving the world wide open for entry. The Command Squad thundered forward, urging their horses into a gallop from the start. Everybody else followed close behind them, and it wasn’t long until I was urging Delta faster to keep up with the wagon. We moved together closely until Erwin gave the command to spread out. My eyes met Eld’s in a moment of insecurity, grief consuming my face. He only nodded at me before disappearing from view, the long-range scouting formation finally in place.

* * *

I’d lost track of time the moment the wall disappeared from view. It could have been mere minutes or long hours that we’d been charging forward. Red smoke signals went off constantly, the spotters handling their jobs quite well. Titans had surrounded us almost immediately, my heart already feeling like a caged animal. I’d shut my brain down, refusing to process anything and focusing only on staying alive. Being in the back, I hadn’t yet seen a titan, the constant changing of course was to blame for that, not that I was complaining.

The thought that nagged me was our dead. How many scouts had already died? Had anybody died? Was Petra okay? What about Eld? The paranoia was setting in the quieter it got. Though I didn’t know what our true purpose was for continuing on, the lack of communication was infuriating. 

The first black smoke signal shot into the sky; an abnormal. I shivered as two more black signals went up, followed by three more seconds later. I watched the sky grow dark with the smoke, following the line until it reached the supposed position of Commander Shadis. Green smoke shot off a second later, signaling the change of course. As I turned Delta to follow the new change, a new flare sent a shiver up my spine.

> _A purple smoke flare signifies an emergency, only fire this when you are in immediate danger and need to warn the rest of the formation._

The purple smoke streaked the sky, soaring overhead from the direction the first black signal came from. Seconds after the first cloud of purple dissipated, another shot into the sky. A new wave of color coated the sky, and only seconds later did another soldier come rushing towards my wagon.

> “Soldier! I’m under orders from the Command Squad! You are to report to the Right Wing to assist in the attack against the abnormal! Understood?”
> 
> “Yes Sir!”
> 
> “Get a move on then!”

The man was gone in a flash, dashing off leftwards no doubt to alert more people. Swallowing my fears to the best of my ability, I yanked Delta’s reigns in the direction of the purple smoke, silently praying for the best outcome when I got to the right wing.

* * *

I’d passed the body of a horse on my ride to my death, swallowing the bile that came up when the piles of blood lead to a body I thankfully could not identify. A nameless face was better than a friend, though I prayed for the soul regardless. The closer I got the more carnage I seemed to pass, all I could do was turn a blind eye. Good people lay in pieces around me and I didn’t even know where the hell I was. 

In the end, the screaming led me to the abnormal. I arrived just in time to see another comrade get ripped in half by the abnormal. I was at the disadvantage. There were barely any trees around, and the titan had to be eight meters or taller. It seemed to be quadrupedal, using all four of its limbs as legs to walk on. Its eyes were bloodshot, and they were honed in on me. God save me. 

I launched my first hook into its shoulder, using my gas to maneuver me around to its back side. I drew my blades, concentrating on the nape as I launched my second hook into its back, speeding up gradually as the nape drew closer. 

> **_This is just like field training, cut the nape out and it's done for._ **

I slowed my breathing, focusing all my attention on the nape of the titan. Time seemed to slow as I got closer, the blood thumping in my ears. Just as I was about to strike, the abnormal turned its head to face me and using its limbs, jumped into the air.

Immediately my hooks were dislodged and I was falling towards the ground. My life seemed to flash before my eyes, I knew I was going to die. A rookie versus an abnormal, I knew it was hopeless. My body hit the ground and I was rolling, every part of me was on fire and my back hurt. I could hear the abnormal closing in on me, it wouldn’t be long now. My head was pounding and my ears were ringing, my subconscious lulling me into a deep sleep. As it seemed, I would not be awake to witness my own death. I couldn’t ask for anything better I suppose.

* * *

This was the second time in my life that upon awakening, I swore I was dead. This time, I came too much quicker. The bright light in my face was the sun, and the aching in my bones was from my fall, and the motion was from the wagon. I must have blinked half a million times before my eyes adjusted to my surroundings. I was laying in one of the uncovered wagons, bandages covering different parts of my body. My gear was laid out adjacent to where I laid, and there was another girl sitting next to me. 

> “Oh! You’re awake, the Hange will be ecstatic.”

I groaned groggily at her, taking in a sharp breath through my teeth. The pounding in my head made it hard to focus, I was almost a hundred percent certain I had a nasty concussion. Every muscle felt too sore to move, so I resigned myself to just exhaling heavily and staying still.

> “Nothing is broken, which is very lucky for you! Got a nice bump on your head though, no doubt a lovely headache to accompany it. Other than some scratches on your body, you’re actually in decent condition. Oh, I’m Emily by the way!’

I didn’t have to look at her to know she was smiling at me, her tone of voice said it all. She was bubbly at a time like this? Hell, veteran scouts must have been numb to everything now. Even though I wanted answers, my throat was like sandpaper and wouldn’t form words.

> “M-My.. horse…?”
> 
> “Oh she’s fine! One of the remaining right-wingers found her running around and has her! Pretty color, that bay, I do hope she’s actually yours.”
> 
> “What… what happened-” I broke into a coughing fit, my lungs fighting for air.
> 
> “Well from what I heard, Eld Jinn and a few others came just in time. That abnormal would’ve gotten ya if Eld hadn’t swooped in to save you! What a gallant knight he is!”

I resisted the urge to snort; gallant knight, what was this girl on? I just sighed in return, nodding slightly at Emily’s answer. I would have to thank him eventually, for saving me, and doing what I could not. I sent a silent prayer to the gods for all the good people who died trying to kill one abnormal, and anybody who’d died anytime after we’d left the wall.

> “Get some rest honey, it’ll be awhile before we reach the encampment.”

* * *

End of Chapter Three :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all like my little easter egg with Eren, Armin, and Mikasa? I thought it was cute! I wonder why Rhee's mom is with Carla Jaeger? So many questions! Also, another comment on the timeline here. The 34th Expedition is the one mentioned in the OVA where the titan speaks to the girl with the journal. Since a five year time skip is going to happen soon, it is entirely plausible that the Scouts went on 23 expeditions between now and the 57th in like ten years, but we won't know for sure. If anybody knows any of that timeline, feel free to comment! As always, I hope you enjoyed, leave some love or comments for me to see! UPDATE: Another chapter edited, I'm on a roll! I decided to expand more on the idea of Rhee falling for Eld by making him the one who saves her :)


	4. There and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misfortune seems to follow Rhee wherever she goes, and it seems the 34th Expedition beyond the walls is about to get cut very short.

Emily was right, it was practically dusk when we reached a small forest and hidden inside seemed to be a base of sorts; a small collection of make-shift buildings and tents were set up, even guard posts sat up on the trees. The Command Squad was huddled around a giant map, pointing to different locations and counting heads. Other scouts were dismounting and gathering up horses, tying them in groups to different tree limbs. People scurried to and fro, all seemingly having a task to complete. 

Me and two other recovered wounded were unloaded on flimsy stretchers and placed inside a tent where Emily and another scout tended to our wounds. From the whisperings of the two healers, we’d counted a total of twenty dead and around twelve missing, no doubt their bodies unrecoverable. 

I slipped in and out of consciousness, the concussion making it hard to enjoy reality. When I did come to, it was nighttime and Petra was asleep next to the cot I’d been placed on. Another figure was leaning against a pole, watching me no doubt. I craned my head to get a better look, but my effort was useless, there wasn’t enough light.

The man chuckled and stepped closer, his brown eyes meeting mine in the dim light. He spoke softly to not disturb Petra or draw unnecessary attention to the tent.

> “Well I’ll be damned, Emily thought that concussion would get you for sure from the amount of times you passed out.”
> 
> “Sorry to disappoint you Eld, but I don’t intend on dying from some head trauma.”
> 
> “I didn’t peg you as the type to die that way either Rhee.”

The humorous tone he took eased my nerves about the conversation. Petra stirred slightly but remained asleep. Levi moved out towards my cot more, the light beginning to illuminate his face.

> “What happened out there?”
> 
> “You were almost dead meat! No sane person goes at an abnormal alone!”
> 
> “It’s not like I had the luxury of reinforcements Eld.”

With that comment he was quiet, a sigh escaping his lips. He turned to exit the tent, lifting the flap just slightly before turning back to face me. 

> “Get some rest Rhee, we’ve got a busy day ahead of us.”

* * *

The next day the scouts rose early, eating quietly and being extra careful about titans in the forest. Surprisingly, no incident had happened yet, though I would hesitate to count it as a blessing. Emily came in to force Petra out, promising her she could visit later in the day. She then got to work, grinding some sort of paste to make a salve.

I was a stranger to the world of medicine but I was almost positive we’d passed the witch doctor days of herbs and remedies. Emily didn’t fit that standard, being a self-declared medicinal herbalist who’d signed with the Scout Regiment as a field medic. She had basic training in defense and how to kill titans, but she was always in the safest spot of the formation and rarely ever saw combat. 

She went on to explain her life story to me while crushing her herbs. She was from a small settlement inside Wall Rose that lived in the forest and used the land to survive. She explained how they hunted what they needed and grew whatever else they could, completely relying on nature to sustain themselves. She chatted about her twin Eric who’d opted to stay inside the walls and study medicine in school. He’d graduated a year ago and was a doctor inside Wall Sina, one who worked closely with the Military Police and government officials. 

After talking up a storm for what seemed like hours, my resolve had crumbled and I opted to try and stand. I felt useless; I’d signed on to kill titans and help the scouts, and my first mission outside the walls I was cooped up in the medical tent nursing a headache. Trying to stand was a constant battle. Every time I managed to sit up, Emily would rush over and force me back down to rest. Screw resting, I wanted to help out.

> “You will help out the most if you don’t become another dead body for us to lug back! Rest Rhee, please.”
> 
> “I refuse, I need answers and I want to feel useful. I’m not missing a limb Emily, I’m perfectly capable of completing tasks.”

She sighed to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose to process my stubbornness. I huffed and crossed my arms, fighting my abs to keep my torso supported. The truth was I was in a lot of pain. Every muscle cried in protest at being moved, the tissue still very tender and sore. My spine was most likely bruised to the point of being black and purple, refusing to completely tense itself for very long. Emily knew this as she’d been the one to apply all my salves and tie the bandages. She knew I was bluffing about the pain, and I knew she could see right through my stoic expression.

> “Fine, we can go walk around, but I’m following you just in case you collapse.”
> 
> “Deal.”

Not that I had much room to argue, and I’d rather be dragged back to the medical tent by a fuming Emily than a certain commanding officer. Emily came over and threw my arm over her shoulder, counting to three in order to hoist me on my feet. As soon as she let go I was wobbly, my legs refusing to cooperate and steady themselves. I took small shaky steps to find my footing before confidently moving forward with as much fake power as I could muster. Emily scoffed at me before trailing behind, grabbing a bag on her way out and throwing it over her shoulder.

People were bustling around the small encampment we’d set up over night. The horses were munching on a hay bale and people had rations in their hands, biting pieces off of the stale crackers and sipping on waterskins. Emily began explaining the various tasks and jobs everyone was assigned to while we were here. Some were stablehands, tending to the horses and keeping them quiet. Then there were the guards posted on the tree platforms, constantly scanning the terrain for titans and letting off smoke signals in the case of emergencies.

Emily also pointed out people running around with journals and papers, commenting on their jobs to document deaths, strategies and map points for later cartography studies. Though most of the journalists hovered around the Command Tent, others ran about, furiously writing or sketching as they went. The other jobs Emily explained were the odd-jobs; cooks, dishwashers, bed-makers, other maid-like duties that would occupy someone for a day or two. I spotted Eld among the stablehands, raking up all the muck into a bucket. Petra seemed to be on the cookline, moving crates of ration from wagons to a tent with the help of Gunther.

> “So Rhee, where do you want to adventure off to?”
> 
> “I want to see my horse, make sure she’s in better shape than I’m in.”
> 
> “Alrighty follow me!” Emily exclaimed before heading off in a separate direction.

Now that I’d successfully ditched Emily, waiting and making sure she didn’t turn around to check if I was following her, I started walking towards where Petra was. Just as I was approaching, a crate began slipping off of the box it’d been placed on. Petra wouldn’t turn around in time to notice, leaving me to run and catch it using my entire body weight.

Luckily the crate didn’t hit the ground, just my very sore and possibly bruised arms. The hiss of pain I let out was enough to alert Petra to my situation, prompting her to loudly yell my name and remove the somewhat heavy crate from my arms.

> “And what on earth are you doing out of the medical tent, Rhee? You were battered all over when Eld and the others picked you up yesterday! Hardly the ideal condition to be lifting crates in…” Petra sighed loudly.
> 
> “But it was going to fall, I didn’t want-”
> 
> “Hush! You should have let it fall. Now you’ve risked injuring yourself further.”
> 
> “Petra I’m not a doll, I can be broken and work at the same time!” I spoke rather loudly, catching the attention of a few scouts in the area.

With just my luck, Emily came dashing around the corner, her face anything but amused. She bent over at the waist and huffed to catch her breath, angrily shaking her hand in my direction. 

> “The next time-” She said in between breaths, “You pull that shit with me, I’ll slip some poison in your tea!”
> 
> “Sorry Emily-”
> 
> “Don’t sorry Emily me! You did that on purpose! You knew your horse was fine!”

I just sighed and nodded at her, looking away at a nearby puddle of water, no doubt somebody carelessly spilling from their waterskin. Emily continued to angrily rant, using all the gestures she could in her explanation. All I could do was study the puddle, trying to understand the rhythmic ripples forming on its surface. I blocked out Emily and moved closer to the small puddle, awkwardly falling to my knees in front of it. I closed my eyes and listened intently, trying to find the source.

> **_Footsteps? Shit-_ **
> 
> “Everybody mount up! We’ve got a herd of titans headed for the forest, all 10 meter class!”

* * *

In a flash Emily had grabbed my arm and dragged me to the medical tent, pushing me down on my cot and grabbing items from boxes. I protested every step of the way, the looming sound of the titans only growing louder. Two more scouts had filed in to load the cot next to me onto the wagon. With the promise of a quick return, the scouts and Emily ran out of the tent to load cargo, gone just as quickly as they came.

I struggled to sit up, pure adrenaline giving me the strength to stand and hobble out of the tent. Putting my fingers to my lips I whistled and waited, hoping to god that Delta had indeed survived and she wasn’t too upset with me for not checking on her. My prayers must have been answered because I heard a loud whinny break through the sounds of the crumbling forests and shouting. Delta was at my side in a second, stopping to exhale in my face before turning away so I could mount.

It was difficult to mount with the amount of pain I was in. I ended up employing an empty crate as a stepping stool to swing my leg over. The moment I was in the saddle I was rushing after the other scouts out of the forest. I was at a disadvantage without ODM gear, and it wasn’t like I had the time to find it. All I could do was thunder forward and hope that Emily saw me leave the tent. 

Delta and I were off in a flash, the trees zipping through my view. The last batch of riders had taken off westward, darting through the trees into a thicket. I still couldn’t see any titans, my bones chilling at the thought of being face-to-face with one. I urged Delta to go faster, hoping to catch a glimpse of any of the scouts. I’d cursed myself for not grabbing any smoke shells, the gun strapped uselessly to my thigh. 

Just as I broke the treeline a smoke shell was fired into the sky; it was blue. Erwin had called for the official retreat back…

> **_...On the other side of the forest!_ **

I cursed and pulled Delta’s reigns to the side roughly, prompting her to do a quick turn in the other direction. She snorted but complied, hightailing it out of the thicket and going eastward. The encampment was deserted by the time we rode back through it, the newest additions being the blood and gore of a few dead scouts. Making up my mind, I halted Delta and slid off, thumping onto the ground loudly. I groaned before getting up and going to the body of a comrade, mumbling profuse apologies while taking off their gear. I clipped the last belt into place and checked the gas as a titan walked into the clearing, eyes trained on me. I whistled to Delta, grabbing onto her saddle as the titan began closing in.

Delta must have spooked because she took off instantly, my body being dragged through the mud, both hands having a death grip on the saddle. My arm strength was draining fast and the titan was closing in. I had limited choices and I still couldn’t tell where the other scouts were. The looming thoughts of being left behind swallowed my confidence, my grip faltering for a split second. That was all gravity needed apparently, one moment of weakness. 

I hit the ground hard for the third time that trip, Delta galloping off into the distance and the titan closer than before. Coughing erratically to regain control over my lungs, I grabbed at the right grip and shot a hook into the tree next to me, nearly getting whiplash from how fast I went up the tree. My body thunked into the branch as the hook detached, prompting me to fire another one for balance. As I steadied myself, the titan had finally reached the tree and was gazing up at me, clawing at the trunk. 

I took in a few deep breaths to quell my fears, my hand having a death grip on the branch I’d found. My adrenaline was slowly running out, and the fear of being left behind was more present than ever. There was no sign of the scouts or my horse, and no doubt more titans would follow this one. My best bet was eliminating it and moving through the forest; after that I’d have no idea what to do. I sighed, knowing I was screwed if I didn’t act soon. Assessing the titan before me, it couldn’t have been more than five meters tall, an easy target. I exhaled, dislodging the hook I had in my tree and firing it straight into the eye of the titan.

I jumped from the branch, using my gas to propel me upwards as the titan clawed at its eye. I made a hard right, the nape finally in view. Drawing my blades I pushed more gas and zeroed in on the nape. With a flash of metal and blood, the titan fell dead, its nape landing a few feet from its body. My first titan kill, and sure as hell not my last. 

I broke the cloud of titan steam with a hook, firing it into a tree and zipping past the others. I felt like I was flying, the trees passing my vision with a blur of green and brown. Suddenly the treeline broke and I was falling down to the ground. Refusing to let history repeat itself, I fired a hook and dangled from a thick branch, scanning the horizon. About three hundred yards out was the Scouts, the long-range formation starting to spread out. There were a few scattered titans chasing them, creating the perfect line for me to join them if I didn’t move soon; I just hope I’d have enough gas to make it. 

* * *

I cut down titan after titan, racking up my kill count from one to thirteen. The effort seemed to be in vain though, because no matter how fast I moved, the horses were always faster. Desperation was seeping into my bones as I cut down one more titan. I could barely see the last wagon now. I whistled as the titan’s body went down, hoping to god that Delta or any horse was loose and would hear me.

Nothing came with the first whistle, or with the second. And by the time I’d regained footing on the ground, the scouts were gone. I whistled four more times and still nothing came. Despair wracked my body, tears of grief sliding down my cheeks. I was going to die, everything I just did was all for not. They’d say I was missing in action, they’d deliver a letter to Aunt Susanna and that would be it. It's not like I could just walk to the wall.

No, I refused to die like this.

My legs carried my body in a full sprint forward. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, my fight or flight seemingly taking over. I was a trained soldier, but I knew my limit was near. Even with this newfound strength, my bones and muscles ached with soreness and fatigue. My entire being was begging for a release, one that I couldn’t give, not just yet. 

I stopped hard, specks of dirt flying up from under my boots. I could barely see the scouts, their images just figments on the horizon. I whistled loudly twice, waiting for a beat between whistles. Then I ran again, sprinting madly after them, cursing my own resilience for whatever had happened to me. I repeated this process a few more times, hoping to god a horse would hear me.

One eventually did.

At this point I had keeled over, throwing up all of the contents in my stomach from pure exhaustion. My knees buckled and I hit the ground, dirt staining my trousers. I cried out in frustration, my body no longer responding to me. As I laid down to rest, I prayed that whatever death I got happened quickly. Writing off the incoming footsteps as a titan, I slowed my breathing, shutting my eyes to block out the sun.

> “You are one lucky bitch Rhee Caron.”

* * *

When Wall Maria came into view, I found myself back inside a wagon, Emily fussing over my wounds once more. This time though, Eld was riding close to the wagon, refusing to return to his position after picking me off the ground half an hour before. In his tow was Delta, who’d been putting up one hell of a fight when she’d heard me whistle before. I chalked it up as a miracle, whatever higher power not wanting me dead just yet. 

Unfortunately for me, the bumpy wagon wouldn’t cease until we got all the way back to Trost. Commander Erwin had ordered us not to stop in Shiganshina, the early return would be enough shame for one day. Every scout whose face I saw was the same; downcast and sullen. 

I felt like I was on the brink of death. My entire body ached with the amount of fall damage and fatigue I’d taken in the past day and a half. Every second that I drifted off I was awoken again with the wagon jolting sharply. The other factor that kept me up was the stench. There were more bodies in the wagon this time, and half of them were dead. They had been loaded into the wagon this morning thinking we’d have an extended stay, and weren’t unloaded in time for a hasty escape. The odor was powerful and it made my stomach churn every time I inhaled it. Emily wasn’t much better; she’d tied a cloth over her nose and mouth to keep everything out, her eyes barely peeking over the bulky garment.

I was very glad to be alive, along with being very amazed I was even with the Scouts. My case had to have been a miracle, a one and a millionth shot that occured. Emily kept reassuring me that I would be okay, though I bet she thought I was dead, just like everyone else.

> “We’re approaching the gate ladies, just a heads up.”

Eld nodded towards Emily, who nodded back and then pulled the cloth of the wagons closed to hide what was inside. Though I didn’t know why she did it, Emily also removed her mask. The wagon was dark even in the daylight, only adding to my drowsiness. 

> “Rest Rhee, you need it.” Emily whispered.

Just as I heard the gate being lifted and the noises of the bustling streets of Shiganshina, my consciousness escaped me, and I fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well looks like we all just witnessed nothing less than a miracle! I couldn't just kill off our main character four chapters in, sorry to scare anybody! I wanted to leave this off on a cliffhanger but I wanted to start chapter 5 in 850 so had to finish it out. Hope you enjoyed! UPDATE: I didn't expect to edit all the chapters that quickly! Wowie! So chapter 5 is going to be the attack on Wall Maria, but in between I'm going to have a half chapter in Petra or Eld's perspective. Chapter Five most likely will be in the perspective of Rhee's mother, as I intend to have Rhee in a coma for another chapter or so- I hope you all enjoyed!


	5. The Fall - Emily's Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily's Perspective: What happened after the Scouts got back from the 34th Expedition? Is Rhee okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this will be the first mini chapter before chapter 5, where will be reconnect with Rhee! I plan on uploading another mini chapter after this, so stay tuned for chapter 4.75! Also, I plan on taking down the announcement as I've edited the chapters it is no longer relevant :D enjoy!

Commander Shadis had resigned as soon as we’d gotten back to Trost, leaving Erwin Smith in charge of the Survey Corps. He had seemed at his worst as he walked away, his physique lethargic and his face sullen with anguish; a man whose dreams had been crushed. I sadly watched him go, bowing my head in respect for the man who’d given me my job in the first place. The Scouts were all unloading everything from the wagons, including all of our fallen comrades. Turning away from the retreating form of Keith Shadis, I grabbed my bags and followed the scout who assisted in carrying the cot of Rhee Caron.

The poor girl had been through enough trauma and as it seemed, her body had taken her under in order to heal. She was deathly still but I could see the steady rise and fall of her chest. The visible parts of her body were covered in bruises and scrapes, dried blood accompanying all the marks. Her face had a sizable cut across her forehead, running down the expanse of her cheek, blood skeletonizing on the wound; no doubt to leave a nasty scar. The worst injuries she’d endured were all internal, her supposed concussion and possible internal bleeding making her condition potentially fatal. 

When we reached the hospital wing, Rhee was loaded onto a bed and then left alone for a doctor to examine. I stayed in the entryway, watching her breathe slowly in and out. While I was a talented field medic, my place was still with the other scouts, meaning I’d be expected to help unload and settle everyone. The doctors were here for a reason, but they knew nothing of her condition, what if she got worse? How would they help Rhee then?

In the end, I reluctantly left the hospital wing, finding something useful to do to occupy my thoughts. All of my patients in the field who lived quickly became like family to me. I don’t know if I was just naturally overly attached or if I had some minor separation anxiety, but I always felt like I connected with those people. Being away from Rhee and the other two knowing I could save them had killed me slightly on the inside. 

Commander Erwin had found me an hour later unloading unused medical supplies into the cabinet outside the recovery wing, muttering words to myself. He’d saluted me and informed me I was being promoted to an official Doctor, on and off of missions. I saluted him back, awe ever present in my eyes. This meant I could go check on Rhee and the others!

As soon as the Commander had disappeared from view, I sprinted for the hospital wing, making a right and skidding to a halt outside the infirmary. Rhee, Paul, and Osten were all on their respective beds. There was a nurse standing over Paul, a wet cloth in her hands. Osten seemed to be asleep, his eyes shut and nobody around him. Rhee, on the other hand, was surrounded by three individuals; a shorter woman with orange hair, and two taller men with blonde and black hair respectively. They were all murmuring to each other, looks of concern written all over their faces.

I approached slowly, clearly my throat to get their attention. Immediately they all turned and saluted, all red in the face with a bit of guilt. The woman seemed to recognize me, her eyes widening. The two men were taller than I, their heads surpassing my own and their gazes straight ahead. I chuckled internally, they were nothing more than a few rookies who had survived their first expedition and they were scared of me?

> “What are your names? Ranks if you have any?”
> 
> “Petra Ral, ma’am! And this is Eld Jinn, along with Gunther Shultz, all of the First Squad!”

I nodded, immediately recognizing Eld as the one who had saved Rhee to begin with. Eld and Gunther finally made eye contact with me, nodding to what Petra had said. They were most likely trainees together, maybe not Gunther. I vaguely recognized him from previous passings.

> “And what are you all doing surrounding this patient and not attending to your duties as Scouts?”
> 
> “We uh- She’s our-” Eld sputtered, losing his confidence from a few moments ago.
> 
> I smiled at them, “I’m Emily Ludenberg, one of the many doctors on staff here. You are more than welcome to visit Ms. Caron later, but not now. You’re dismissed.”

They all nodded and verbally confirmed they’d heard me, a chorus of yeses filling the quiet infirmary. Eld and Gunther turned to leave first, Eld’s gaze staying on Rhee for a second longer than expected. I raised my eyebrow at him, watching as he left the room for good. Petra had stayed behind, looking down at her shoes rather than my eyes.

> “I thought I made it clear Cadet Ral that you were to leave?” I questioned her.
> 
> “I just- please take care of her... “ Petra sighed.

I nodded, smiling sweetly at her. With that, Petra turned to go, her back on Rhee the whole time. I could tell by her posture that she was worried; the slumped shoulder and the downcast eyes saying it all. When she had left, I turned back to Rhee and sighed, fetching a cloth from a warm bowl of water. Very gently, I began cleaning some of the blood from her cut, noting that any form of stitching would be useless; this scar would stay on her face for the rest of her life. 

* * *

A few hours must have passed before Rhee woke up. It wasn’t a prolonged awakeness- She simply opened her eyes before falling back to sleep, whispering something before the darkness claimed her again. By then I’d changed her out of her uniform into something more breathable. Petra had returned a little while ago, claiming to be collecting Rhee’s clothing and other items. I’d learned that the two were inseparable; They had been trainees together and we now roommates, the perfect friend duo. Petra had left just as quickly as she appeared, this time carrying Rhee’s belongings to their shared room.

Sadly, Osten had passed away. Another doctor had gone to try and wake him up only to find he’d stopped breathing. Right it off as carelessness, but the amount of blood he’d lost, it was a miracle he’d even been alive to come back through the walls. A letter was already being drafted to be sent to his family, along with the patch from his jacket. Paul had shown signs of recovery, though he’d be retired immediately; his left leg had been bitten off. Rhee was the only toss up in the infirmary, every doctor speculating if she’d even recover. Most had given up on her, the amount of trauma to her head would claim her surely. Others held onto a small bit of hope; If she’d been brought back from a near-death, she would make it inside the walls. I was totally confident in her recovery, knowing that her spirit would pull through.

I had just mixed up another salve to put on Rhee’s cuts when a scout burst open the doors of the infirmary, halting everyone in their tracks. He huffed, grabbing at his knees before lifting his head to stare us down. His eyes conveyed pure terror, his body shaking violently. This man was terrified, but of what?

> “The titans-...” He huffed, eyes widening more than before, “They’ve broken through Shiganshina! Wall Maria has been lost!”

The air in the room seemed to freeze. Nobody moved, no one spoke. I swear my heart had skipped a beat when the young man had spoken. There was no possible way they’d broken through the wall, there wasn’t a titan alive that was strong enough to. Just how had this happened?

> “Refugees are flooding into Trost! All of the doctors are to report to the Commander to assist injured refugees!”
> 
> “Yes sir!” We all shouted, saluting the man as he turned to leave.

I turned to Rhee, fear clouding my vision as I packed a bag full of medical supplies. I gasped to find her eyes wide staring at my own. Her breathing was labored, pain showing on her face.

> “Did he say Shiganshina?”

* * *


	6. The Fall - Lilli's Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilli Caron has fled Calaneth to her home district of Shiganshina where she sees her daughter for the first time in a year. Unfortunately, that is the last time she'll ever see her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second mini chapter detailing the fall of Wall Maria! Technically this is chapter 4.75! Enjoy!

> “I’m scared Carla! They already got my husband! What if they get my daughter too?”
> 
> “You need to relax Lilli, the girl is as protected as she can be! She’s in the scouts, those Lords won’t even know it's her!

The tears were openly falling down my face as I sat in the company of my closest friend. Carla Jaeger and I had been barmaids together until I had met Anslow Caron, a studious young man from the Interior. We’d fallen in love and had a daughter; Rhee. I moved from Shiganshina to Stohess where Anslow worked as a scribe in the storehouses for the Royal family. 

We lived quietly for a few years, Anslow working to support our family. I rarely ventured back to Shiganshina, finding solace in the solitude my life had come to. How I wish that peace had lasted. When Rhee was still young, Anslow was arrested. The Military Police had claimed he’d been trafficking goods from Stohess to the Underground for extra profit. They killed him not even hours after finding him guilty. I knew better than to ask questions, but my husband was no crook.

Anslow had been studying the Royal family, trying to make sense of the journal his family had left him to decipher. It was all old writings and stories about the beginning of humanity; stories nobody else but the Nobles seemed to know. He was killed for knowing too much information, and his journals were taken. After that, Rhee and I moved to Calaneth, about as far away as I was willing to move from Stohess. I know I should’ve gone to Shiganshina, but my sister and her husband lived in Calaneth, and they were all I had left. 

Rhee never asked about her father, sometimes I doubted if she had any memories of him. She would gaze at the picture of him on the mantle for hours, but she never said anything about him. When she was old enough, Rhee left for the military. That’s when they came for me. My house had been raided while I was working, the door practically torn off its hinges. Every paper my husband had written, every book in our possession, it had all been torn or taken. The Interior Police had left nothing behind, except the picture of the mantle. I packed my bags and left for Shiganshina that night, fear spurring my urge to survive.

It had been two weeks since I’d gotten to Shiganshina and Carla had welcomed me into her home for the time being. My fear kept me from trying to get a cottage or a job, so I was very grateful for her help. Yesterday had driven me into more of a panic; I’d finally seen Rhee, and she was a Scout.

> “What if she gets killed! Carla, all I have left is my daughter… If they come for me and she dies beyond the walls, our two family lines are done for. My grandfather used to have so much, and my husband had so many dreams… and they were just taken from them…”

Carla sighed to herself before resting a hand on my shoulder. She smiled at me before standing, making her way to the stovetop. Outside the bell started tolling, the indistinct sound of shouting growing just a bit. 

> “The Scouts must be back, are you going to go find her Lilli?” Carla asked me.
> 
> “Yes, I will be back soon.” I said, wiping my eyes and keeping my chin up.

> “Alright then. If you see Eren and Mikasa, tell them to hurry home please!”
> 
> “I will, don’t worry.” I nodded before shutting the front door. 

* * *

I arrived just in time to see the Scouts stopped in their tracks, and for Commander Keith Shadis to be standing in front of a sobbing mother, something clutched close to her chest. The rest of the Scouts faces looked bleak, almost all of them splattered in blood. I did a quick scan of the faces I could see, none of them were Rhee’s. I moved through the crowd, apologizing to people as I pushed past them. Still no sign of my daughter. 

If she was dead, her body was in a cart, something I couldn’t see into. I almost ran forward to ask about her but thought twice about it, not knowing who would be watching me. Eventually I did see Carla’s kids, but they disappeared into the crowd before I could make my way over to them. I gave up my search for Rhee moments later, grief overtaking me as I walked around Shiganshina.

I’d grown up here, played in these streets, bought items from the vendors. The life I had here was nothing compared to my time with Anslow in Stohess, but it was still a life I’d enjoyed. It was a piece of my past that I would never be able to share with my daughter, as she’d died before we’d even connected. 

* * *

I must have spent a few hours just sitting in the town square wondering what I would do with my life now. Would I be hunted? Would I be thrown in prison? My survival over my husband and daughter had to mean something. But was I the person to give that meaning to their deaths? What could I possibly accomplish that they couldn’t?

I hadn’t spent long reading what Anslow had written or what he studied, but I knew enough to know our government was a fraud. They were just power-hungry mongrels who kept power by killing those who opposed them. They killed Anslow for his knowledge, and they were going to kill me. They hadn’t gotten my daughter, but she’d still perished in a world that despised what she unknowingly stood for. 

My head was filled with these thoughts; thoughts of despair and treason. If I had to expose my knowledge to others for my life to mean something, and I was to die for it, so be it. That’s what I would do with myself. I would dedicate my life to my husband’s work, just like I’d hoped Rhee would have done when she found out. I had sent a letter to the Commandant in Trost weeks ago, asking for him to forward a letter to Rhee in her respective branch. I could only hope it safely landed in her hands before I was done with my work.

Just as I got up to return to Carla’s the sky was streaked with a blast of yellow light and a loud grumble of what seemed like thunder. I turned when the flash had ended, trying to spot the source of such a brilliant light. I froze in my tracks with what I saw.

There was a titan peeking over the wall, its face only covered in bright red muscles. Its eyes were dead, and were trained straight ahead, unmoving. Another crack of thunder sounded as the titan shifted, its movements slow. Just before I could turn to run, the outer gate of Wall Maria had been kicked in. 

* * *

The debris of rock, wood and blood coated every street. People’s bodies lay in heaps, some more mutilated than others. The people who had survived were running away. Running for their homes, their families, the inner gate. There was a lack of military presence on the ground, and I hoped to god they would be here soon. 

**_Titans…_ **

The monsters were crawling through the gate by the dozen. They were grabbing people… eating people. It was a horrible sight to watch, but I was frozen in fear. If I ran now I could make it back to Carla’s, but I just couldn’t stop watching. There was so much death everywhere, it was hard to even breathe. 

I was too frozen, too lost in my own mind to register that I'd been grabbed. The titan that had me in its tight hold was small, smaller than the others. It had a permanent smirk etched into its face and its eyes were sunken in to the point it looked dead. I was so numb, my body was protesting death but my mind couldn’t comprehend the fact I was about to die. I felt the tears streaming down my face but I couldn’t even struggle in the titan’s hold. Subconsciously, I had accepted my fate already, even if the death I thought of wasn’t by titan. 

> “Rhee.. Anslow… I’m so sorry…” I whispered, just as the titans closed its jaws. 

* * *

End of the Mini Chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, that was painful to write! I really wanted to expand on Lilli and Anslow's backgrounds without giving too much away about who Rhee really is! I have a lot in store for her :) Sadly though, Lilli had to die. I debated keeping her alive and putting her on the cargo ship that Eren, Mikasa and Armin escape on, but I didn't have a purpose for her otherwise. The letter she sent Rhee will just have to do. Next chapter we're back to rhee's perspective! A lot of timeskips are about to occur so make sure you're paying attention *wink wink* ~Ry


End file.
